


The story of whatever we were.

by choittobbi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:21:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27709679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choittobbi/pseuds/choittobbi
Summary: Where Wonwoo tells his ended-before-it-even-started love story with Mingyu.“This is my story of whatever we were. From my own eyes. Everything about us. Raw and unfiltered.”
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo & Kim Mingyu, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	The story of whatever we were.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for everyone who were confused by a person's actions.  
> For everyone who did not understand their feelings.  
> For everyone had the slightest hope just because we thought that person was worth it.
> 
> Enjoy reading!
> 
> \--
> 
> Fic is purely in english, but if you're filo, you can listen to Balang Araw by I Belong to the Zoo (https://open.spotify.com/track/5NXdUJ3Z2jhlp2u1cj6f7m?si=1gjwVfk1T2aA5P2I25IX8g)

Within three years, a lot of people have asked me what happened between me and Mingyu. To which I would simply answer “we just didn’t happen.” It was the sad truth anyway. And it prompts less complicated responses than “I don’t know.”

I don’t know. To be fucking honest, I really don’t. Because I never asked. I never had the courage to. I only know our story from my point of view, and this is where I would tell that story.

This is _my_ story of whatever we were. From my own eyes. Everything about us. Raw and unfiltered.

Every story has a beginning. And ours had an unremarkable one. I was simply a guy who was trying to rebuild himself from the wreck that he was becoming. After a series of rejections and failures, it was finally there. A chance to rebuild what I lost. A ‘yes’ in the midst of every ‘no’. I was accepted to be one of the heads for this project wherein I needed to work with people I just met. We had our first meeting. I only knew one person in the team. No one else. And he did not attend the meeting. That was just purely hell for someone like me who sucks at starting conversations. But he was just there being the friendly person that he is. Vibrant and bright. He approached me. He told me that his name was Mingyu but I can call him Gyu. We talked, and it felt comfortable. He made me feel less alone. And for my introvert self, that was everything that I needed that night.

“Oh, Mingyu’s nice. We can be friends.” I thought to myself. 

A friend. Just a friend. It’s funny because until the very end, we were just friends. But why the hell did he make me feel like we can be more?

Although, looking back, the chaos did not start there. When I said Mingyu and I can be friends, I meant it. Just that. So when did it change? Batangas strategic planning, for sure. We were with other people all night, but weirdly, Mingyu stayed close with me. Too close, actually. There were times when he’d lean his head on my shoulder as if it were the most comfortable place in the world. Yes, it did make my heart flutter. A bit. Or maybe a little more. It’s just that I’ve never felt that way before, and I didn’t know what it was. It was nice but at the same time confusing. All I knew was that it was different.

At some point, he even asked if I had Snapchat. “For snap streak,” Mingyu said. I didn’t mind. I was active on Snapchat, and I do snap streaks with my friends anyway. Damn, I should’ve said no.

The next day, we all decided to take some pictures before going home. He was a natural in front of the camera. All of his photos came out well. Meanwhile, I was a mess. I was awkward. I got so used to being the one holding the camera that I did not know what to do when placed on the other end. Not until he said the words that made my heart melt. “You have a beautiful smile, Wonwoo.”

Do I? You see, I have always been conscious about my smile. The thing is I lose my eyes when I smile, and so people have always told me to try to smile with my eyes open. But Mingyu was different. He liked my smile. And that thought was stuck inside my head. He liked my smile.

“Won,” he called me. “Let’s take a photo.” 

We did. At least four times that day alone. Just the two of us. Because that one time others tried to join, Mingyu pushed them away. “I said Wonwoo. Not all of you.”

And when everyone was fighting about the seating arrangement for our ride back home, when I thought he was done making me feel things that day, he suddenly said “I don’t care about everyone else. I will sit beside Wonwoo.” He didn’t though. Because I somehow got scared of what I was feeling that I sat beside someone else. And I will forever wonder why he said what he said — if it even has a meaning — and whether Mingyu meant it or not.

The next few weeks were torture. They were weeks of trying to figure out the reason behind my strangely fast heartbeats. Of constantly checking Gyu’s Twitter account. Of my heart fluttering whenever I get a Snapchat notification. Of overthinking every single word I use in our conversations. Of wondering about what the hell was happening or if there was even something to wonder about. But I knew for sure that I was damned when I found myself standing inside a cramped bus, braving Metro Manila’s rush hour traffic to attend an unimportant meeting, and yes, to see him. The plot twist? He wasn’t there.

“Where’s Mingyu?” I asked them as soon as I got there.

“Not going. He’s sick.” Soonyoung, one of our members whom I also got kinda close to, told me.

“Oh, okay.” No, not okay. I wanted to know if he was alright. I wanted to ask him why he didn’t tell me when we were talking that morning. But I didn’t. Because my overthinker self suddenly whispered that it was not my place to do that.

“Won, Gyu just texted me. He’s asking if we’re having dinner after the meeting. He was also asking if you can get him dinner and bring it to his dorm.”

“Me? Why me?” I asked. Why the hell would he specifically want me to do that?

Soonyoung just shrugged while laughing. “No idea. He also said that he’d just pay you with a kiss.”

“What the heck? Tell him I said no. He’s not my type. He’s not cute.” I joked. But yes, he’s not the type of guy who I’d fall for. I’ve always had this exact description of my dream guy, and it’s definitely not Mingyu. And yet there I was having butterflies in my stomach because of him.

Of course I was dumb for him. Nevermind that I’ve always hated staying at the university past 7pm because it’ll be hard to commute back to my condo. Nevermind that I was tired from my internship. By 9pm that night, Soonyoung and I were at the lobby of his campus dorm holding his dinner and waiting for him.

“Hi.” Mingyu smiled as he sat beside me. The bench had enough space for three more people, but he was once again too close.

Since I was there already, I did not dare hold back. I placed the back of my hand on his forehead to check if he still had fever. “Are you okay now, Gyu?”

“Not yet. But better.” He smiled before placing his head on my shoulder as if it was the natural thing to do. He even grabbed my left hand to play with it. Would it be pathetic of me to say that I liked that feeling?

On my way home, I suddenly received a text from Jeonghan. He was also part of our team, but he and I have been friends even before the project started.

 ** _Jeonghan:_ **Won!!! I saw your snap. Were you with Mingyu?

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** Yeah, I just left. Why?

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Did he ask about me?

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** Uh,,,, no???? HAHAHA why?

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Fuck.

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Won, I like him. I like Gyu.

Oh. Holy shit. I literally froze in my seat. No thoughts were coming into my mind. How did I not see that? I was too busy figuring out what I was feeling that I failed to see the people around us.

 ** _Wonwoo:_ ** Oh my god, Jeonghan! Since when?

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Before the project started.

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** What? So you already knew him?

 **_Jeonghan:_ **No. Not really. I saw him during the interview.

 **_Jeonghan:_ ** And then I found him cute.

 **_Jeonghan:_ ** Like I’ve been planning to make him notice me and give him his favorites but fuck I’m so shy!!!

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** Did you do anything already? Hahaha

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Not yet :((((((

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Send me some courage pls

 **_Jeonghan:_ **I might not do anything anymore though. I’m kinda hoping he’s interested too because of how he acts but :((((((

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** But what? Lol

 **_Jeonghan:_ **They say he’s really like that.

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** What do you mean ‘like that’? Haha

 **_Jeonghan:_ **Clingy :((

 **_Wonwoo:_ ** Like,,, to everyone?

 **_Jeonghan:_ **I think so.

And there it was. The confusion, doubts, and fear hitting me all at once. If he was clingy to everyone, then everything meant nothing. I only gave his actions unnecessary meanings when I shouldn’t have in the first place. And there was that fact that my friend liked him too. For a longer time, even. It was like I had all the reasons to stop myself from having feelings for him, but at the same time my heart was in it too deep that it wanted to ignore everything.

It was all starting to become too messy. And me being me, I had this internal need to run away from my problems. To run away from Mingyu and all the confusion that he brought. And so I asked my family for a Baguio trip. Maybe some pine trees and a few gallops could get me back on track. Hopefully. But fate is crazy most of the time. A day after I arrived, his snap streak was a strawberry taho with horses and pine trees in the background. How the fuck did I forget that his hometown was a short commute away from Baguio?

“If I don’t accidentally see him, I should stop whatever this shit is,” I told myself.

And yes, I didn’t see even Gyu’s shadow.

“What the hell, Wonwoo. That doesn’t mean anything.” Another voice inside my head whispered. It was the voice that was not ready to let go of him. Well, jokes on that voice! Baguio is such a small place. The fact that we kept on missing each other should have been destiny’s sign for me that we wouldn’t go anywhere.

You know how people say that alcohol most of the time equates to mess? They were right. There was this one time when we had drinks in my condo just because. It was fun at first. Our laughters and stories filled the room. We drank until our heads were spinning. Until I reached the point where my social battery was already empty. I needed some time alone to breathe so I went out of the bedroom and stayed in the empty living room. A few minutes later, Mingyu followed. I wanted to be alone, but at the same time the moment he lay down beside me on the sofa bed, I wanted him to stay. The more rational side of me was telling me to push him away, but damn, he was like quicksand— dragging me deeper every single time.

“Are you a taekwondo player?” Mingyu asked. He probably noticed the shirt that I was wearing.

“No, it’s my cousin’s.” I answered.

“I used to play when I was a kid.” He fondly told me. And I hate how I loved hearing that. I hate how I loved listening to his most random stories because it meant getting to know him more. But what I hate the most is how I can remember every single detail until now.

“Shhh.” Mingyu placed his index finger on his lips as a sign that I should stay silent.

“What?” I whispered.

“They’re talking. I can’t hear anything.”

I listened intently to the inaudible voices and immediately realized that it was Jeonghan and Soonyoung. They surely were talking about Mingyu. 

“Don’t listen, Gyu.” I covered his ears as fast as I could. I honestly do not know why, but I did not want him to hear them.

“Wonwoo!” Jeonghan called. I immediately went to them with a heart filled with nervousness because I had an idea about what was gonna happen and it wasn't good.

“Let’s talk.” Jeonghan softly said with a smile.

“About what?” I asked. But he did not respond. Instead, he led our way to the balcony.

“Do you like Mingyu?” He asked as soon as the door closed.

“Jeonghan.” My voice was almost as if I was begging him to not ask me a question that I did not want to answer.

Jeonghan laughed. “You can say it, Won. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

“I like Mingyu too.” I whispered without looking at him. We were both silent for a few minutes that only busy city noise could be heard. I stared at the stars above us and finally decided that maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be with me and Mingyu — an admiration from a safe distance. “But I’ve decided to just quietly like him.”

“If you’re doing this because of me, you don’t have to. I told you already that I won’t do anything anymore. It’s so hard to get close to him. It’s like he’s clingy to everyone so it’s difficult to figure him out.”

I nodded. I really understood what Jeonghan meant. The confusion from Mingyu’s actions. One moment he clings to you and the next you’re left questioning if he’s like that to other people too. And so I wondered if I was ready to jump into that kind of uncertainty.

“Won,” Jeonghan called my attention.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve known you for years. I know what you’re thinking about.” He chuckled. “You’re confused. It’s your first time feeling this way for someone and you don’t know what it is exactly. Or if he feels the same way. Well, let me tell you something. If Mingyu really likes you and he’s not just meaninglessly flirting, he should make extra efforts.”

And so I looked back. From the first day we met until when we were beside each other in the living room. Were there any extra efforts? If I were to be fucking honest, nothing came into my mind. As painful as it may sound, there were none.

“You have two options here, Won.” Jeonghan continued. “You can stop whatever you’re feeling — whether it’s a crush or you’re already falling for Mingyu — or flirt with him but without any feelings involved. With the type of guy that he is, you can never tell him that you like him or you’ll lose.”

I took a deep breath. It was tiring to think. To feel. I just wanted to go numb. “I’ll just go to sleep for now, Han.”

Jeonghan smiled at me and patted my head. “You’ll be fine, Wonwoo.”

I smiled back and opened the door. But he did not follow. “You’re not yet going?”

“I’ll stay here for a bit. I’m thinking of talking to Mingyu. For closure.”

Up until today, I never knew what they talked about. I never dared to ask. All I knew was that the next morning, I woke up to them sleeping beside each other with Jeonghan’s head leaning on Mingyu’s shoulder. And I’d be lying if I say that it didn’t hurt. As I looked at them, all my insecurities just slapped me. What if Jeonghan told Mingyu that he liked him? What if Mingyu likes him too? Because between me and Jeonghan, it was more likely that he’d have feelings for my friend. Jeonghan who’s outgoing and confident. Not me who didn’t know how to handle feelings.

When they were about to leave, I brought them to the lobby. I waved goodbye to everyone as they got into the taxi. And Mingyu decided to confuse me one more time. He went near me, raised his hand the same level as mine, and made our fingers intertwine. And there was that same good yet scary feeling once more.

That day was my turning point. All my thoughts ate me up. I began to stop acting on my feelings. My replies became shorter. I tried to avoid being close to him. Although not completely. My heart just couldn’t take doing that all at once. It was me slowly distancing myself from him. Although there were days when he’d easily pull my back to him. One smile and I’d break. One snap and I was back to square one.

But Mingyu too, for some reason, faded away. The messages became purely about work. The snap streak was broken. He stopped leaning on my shoulders. Whatever we were and what we could have been was becoming more blurry as if it wasn’t confusing enough already. I was losing him before I even had him. Slowly. Little by little. Somehow unnoticeable yet at the same time leaving a void. Until we were left with nothing but an unclear history. An unanswered question. Was it love? I don’t know. We never got to the point where I’d know for sure.

So yes, this is my side of our story. And perhaps I will just have to live with the fact that I will never know his.


End file.
